Bibi Talks; Congress Doesn’t Listen; Jetsons have arrived
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Posted by dailyslog on 01/02/2015 | Short Link

Make That Six

  • “Five Reasons Netanyahu Should Not Address Congress”—headline,Washington Post, Jan. 30, 2015
  • “Letter: People Are Speaking but Congress Doesn’t Listen”—headline, Battle Creek (Mich.) Enquirer, Nov. 10, 2014
  • Question and Answer—V
    • “What if We Put Servers in Space?”—headline, Fortune.com, Jan. 29, 2015
    • “Most Famous and Envied Space Waitress in the World”—headline,BeatlePhotoBlog.com, Sept. 8, 201002-01-c

Fox Butterfield, Is That You?

  • “Hunt for Hezbollah Tunnels Goes on, Even as Border Tensions Fade”—headline, New York Times, Jan. 30
  • “Boys are less likely to commit crimes but they are more likely to be placed in a correctional facility than they were three decades ago, according to a new study that shows the justice system for juvenile offenders has become much more punitive.”—Max Ehrenfreund, Washington Post website, Jan. 30

We Blame George W. Bush

  • “Obama Accepts ‘Some’ Blame for 2014 Debacle”—headline, Daily Caller, Jan. 30
  • “Melissa Gilbert Blames ‘Little House’ for Body Insecurities”—headline,WIVT-TV website (Binghamton, N.Y.), Jan. 30

What Would We Do Without Experts?
“Eyeing an Eyeball Tattoo? Risks High, Say Experts”—headline, Straits Times (Singapore), Jan. 30

Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead
“Gingrich Still Deep in Campaign Debt”—headline, Politico.com, Jan. 29

Tales From the Spam Filter
“You Can Earn $13,000 a Year Selling Your Poop”—headline, Washington Post, Jan. 30

So Much for the War on Drugs
“Patriots Very Pleased With Grass at Cardinals’ Practice Facility”—headline, ESPN.com, Jan. 29

Problem and Solution

  • “The Real Cost of Cheap Meat: Factory Farms Could Be Lowering Our Resistance to Disease”—headline, Salon.com, Jan. 30, 2015
  • “Damn, That Pork Meat Is Expensive as Hell Now!”—headline, Gawker.com, Aug. 5, 2014

Brokebakken Mountain 
“The Isolated Lives of North Dakota’s Gay Oil Field Workers”—headline, Vice.com, Jan. 29

And All You Want to Do Is Tell Me Your Lies
“Virgin Broadband Customers Told: We’re Moving You to Talk02-01Talk and You’ll Lose Your Email”—headline, Daily Telegraph (London), Jan. 29

The Lonely Lives of Dems
“Shut-Out Dems Longing for Hillary—and Bill”—headline, Politico.com, Jan. 29

Hey, Kids! What Time Is It?
“Time for Scott Walker to Get Serious About Foreign Policy”—headline, Washington Examiner, Jan. 30

Question and Answer—I

  • “What if No One Wins the GOP Presidential Nomination?”—headline,RealClearPolitics.com, Jan. 29, 2015
  • “Democrats Now Have a Real Shot to Win It All”—headline, ProFutures.com, Oct. 10, 2006

Question and Answer—II

  • “America’s Biggest Genius: Why Lindsey Graham Is a Huge Threat to Einstein”—headline, Salon.com, Jan. 30, 2015
  • “Smear a Bagel, Not Chuck Hagel”—headline, Chicago Tribune, Jan. 10, 2013

Question and Answer—III

  • “What’s the Right Temperature for the Earth?”—headline, Washington Post, Jan. 30
  • “Warm Today, but Cool Tomorrow”—headline, WDSU-TV website (New Orleans), Jan. 2902-01-a

Question and Answer—IV

  • “Animal Sex: How Bats Do It”—headline, LiveScience.com, Dec. 30, 2013
  • “Mom Says She’s Afraid of 16-Year-Old Daughter and Sleeps With a Bat”—headline, Puffington Host, Jan. 30, 2015

Look Out Below!
“Anti-Vaccine Parents Dropped by Some U.S. Doctors”—headline, CBC.ca, Jan. 30

Breaking News From 2012
“Obamacare Should Lose in Next Supreme Court Case”—headline, Chicago Tribune, Jan. 29

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Cruz to oversee NASA: The better to deport aliens
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Posted by dailyslog on 16/01/2015 | Short Link

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

  • Days after Mitt Romney announced he is considering a 2016 presidential campaign, his former running mate Paul Ryan announced that he will not run. Ryan won’t say who he’ll support. He just wants the best man for the Jeb . . . Job, I mean job.01-16
  • Fifteen states across the country have gas prices that have dipped below $2. That means it’s now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquefied dinosaurs than one cup of coffee at Starbucks.
  • Virgin Media is developing a 3-D printed wristband that can sense when the user is falling asleep and record whatever they are watching on TV. You know, so that way, you can catch up on everything that bored you to sleep.
  • New research suggests that men who regularly post selfies are more likely to have psychopathic tendencies. While women who regularly post selfies are more likely to be a Kardashian.

 


Conan

  • A new Republican Congress is taking over. Sen. Ted Cruz has been appointed to overseeing NASA in Congress. He says he wants NASA to focus on finding aliens so he can deport them.01-16-A
  • Republican Mike Huckabee criticized the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to Beyoncé due to her explicit lyrics. So now the Obama girls are faced with the tough choice every teen must eventually make — listen to Beyoncé or Mike Huckabee.
  • A congressman from Texas sent out a tweet comparing President Obama to Hitler. That is ridiculous because at this point in his career Hitler had a much higher approval rating.
  • An NFL player was arrested in Florida on gun charges. The news was shocking to anyone who knows nothing about the NFL or Florida.

 


The Late Show With David Letterman

  • Paul Ryan announced that after a lot of thought, and talking it over with family and friends, that he is not going to run for president in 2016. I’m telling you, this announcement sent shock waves through no one.
  • Congratulations to Ohio State, your new college football champions. Coach Urban Meyer may be the greatest football coach of all time. Don’t confuse him with New York Mayor Bill de Blasio. That’s urban quagmire.
  • Fifteen years ago tomorrow I had open heart surgery, a quintuple bypass surgery. Thanks to all of my doctors. Because of them, in 15 years of life I’ve been able to experience, well, acid reflux, short-term memory loss, and erectile dysfunction. Thanks for all your work. It’s great to be alive.
  • What a day that was 15 years ago. I woke up and had to swing by the hospital. I thought I was going in for a routine face lift.

 


Late Night With Seth Meyers

  • Ohio State beat Oregon 42-20. Police in Ohio had to use tear gas on crowds after celebrations got too rowdy following the game. Oregon fans, on the other hand, were able to make their own tears.010-16-C
  • Mitt Romney is reportedly putting his 2012 election team back together. And somehow, miraculously, none of them were busy with other stuff.
  • Fidel Castro, who hasn’t been publicly seen for more than a year, wrote a personal letter referencing current events to prove he is still alive. And nothing says “I’m alive in 2015” like writing a letter.
  • Police are looking for a woman who stole $3,000 worth of cat-grooming supplies at an airport baggage carousel. Police describe the suspect as “single.”
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Trans Gender/Sexual Hermaphodite & Clinton Coupling
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Posted by dailyslog on 15/01/2015 | Short Link

The Lonely Lives of Entomologists
“Rare Half-Male, Half-Female Lexias pardalis Butterfly Excites Entomologists”—headline, TechTimes.com, Jan. 10

Make That 6

  • “5 Ways Couples Can Connect When They’re Super Busy”—headline,PsychCentral.com, Jan. 12
  • “Hillary 2016 and Bill Clinton’s ‘Possible Connection’ to the Jeffrey Epstein Underage Sex Scandal”—headline, Inquisitr.com, Jan. 9

Je Suis Charlie Brown Christmas
“Saudi Religious Scholar Issues Fatwa Against Snowmen”—headline, IsraelNationalNews.com, Jan. 1201-15-C

Fox Butterfield, Is That You?
“Despite Renewed Economic Confidence, Few Happy About a Gas Tax Hike”—headline, HotAir.com, Jan. 12

Metaphor Alert
Fasten your seatbelts, Illinois—it’s going to be a bumpy ride. . . . Illinoisans have been enjoying a free ride for years, and the car of state is about to run out of gas. . . . But the state also has been using budget tricks to spend more money than it takes in—a structural budget deficit that is baked into the state budget. . . . Even if we could root out all the abuse that exists, it would amount to only a drop in the vast bucket of Illinois’ budget problem. . . . But like having a rotten tooth pulled, some pain is worth going through. . . . [Gov. Bruce] Rauner has little political baggage. . . . Both parties will be responsible for whatever path the state takes, so one party is not frozen in fear while the other one safely lobs bombs from the sidelines.”—Christopher Mooney, Crain’s Chicago Business, Jan. 12

Out on a Limb  
“If a Gay Mormon Marries a Woman, Divorce Is Likely, Study Finds”—headline, Salt Lake Tribune, Jan. 13

We Blame George W. Bush
“ ‘Selma’ Didn’t Win Much at the Golden Globes. Are Politics to Blame?”—headline, Washington Post website, Jan. 12

Life Imitates the Onion01-15-A

  • “Crazed Palestinian Gunman Angered by Stereotypes”—headline, Onion, March 5, 1997
  • “Extremists Harming Islam, Leader of Hezbollah Says”—headline, New York Times, Jan. 10, 2015
  • “Hamas Condemns France Attacks, Says No Justification for ‘Killing Innocents’ ”—headline, Reuters, Jan. 10, 2015

Make That 7

  • “6 Times the Obama Administration Said Its Job Was to Promote islam”—headline, Breitbart.com, Jan. 8
  • “Holder: We’re at War With ‘Those Who Would Corrupt the Islamic Faith’ ”—headline, National Review Online, Jan. 11

Make That 11

  • “10 Cities Where an Appalling Number of Americans Are Starving”—headline,Salon.com, Jan. 10
  • “Look Out, the Packers Are Hungry”—headline, TotalPackers.com, Jan. 8

Hypothesis and Example

  • “We are credentializing a new elite by legitimizing people with an inflated sense of their own merit.”—Lani Guinier, Salon.com, Jan. 11
  • “In 1998, Lani Guinier became the first woman of color appointed to a tenured professorship at Harvard Law School. Before her Harvard appointment, she was a tenured professor at the University of Pennsylvania Law School.”—Salon.com, Jan. 11

Problem and Solution

  • “How Americans’ Refusal to Talk About Death Hurts the Elderly”—headline,Vox.com, Jan. 11, 2015
  • “The Death Panels Are Coming”—headline, Breitbart.com, Nov. 11, 2014

Longest Books Ever Written
“Why Life Is Absurd”—headline, New York Times website, Jan. 11

Question and Answer—I

  • “How Islam Helps Control Obesity”—headline, Islam Awareness Blog, Jan. 9, 2009
  • “Largest Islamic Body in the World Calls for More Anti-Free Speech Laws in Wake of Charlie Hebdo Attack”—headline, PJMedia.com, Jan. 12, 2015

Question and Answer—II

  • “What Happens When Your Dog Gets Alzheimer’s”—headline, Washington Post, Jan. 10, 2015
  • “Hilarious Dog Forgets How to Play Catch—LOL”—video title, GodVine.com, Sept. 10, 2013

It’s Always in the Last Place You Look
“Greg Gutfeld Finds Silver Lining in President Obama’s Absence From Paris Today”—headline, Twitchy.com, Jan. 11

Help Wanted
“St. Louis County PD Finally Seeking Ferguson Looters”—headline, HotAir.com, Jan. 1201-15-B

News of the Tautological
“Watchdog: State Uses Additional Fees From Traffic Tickets to Help Make Ends Meet”—headline, Orange County (Calif.) Register, Jan. 10

Breaking News From Genesis 3:12
“Former Highest-Ranking U.S. Cardinal Blames ‘Feminization’ for the Catholic Church’s Problems”—headline, Washington Post website, Jan. 13

News You Can Use
“Carolyn Hax: In the Face of Turmoil, It Is Best to Keep Yourself Steady”—headline, Washington Post, Jan. 10

Bottom Story of the Day
“Murdoch and Fox News Mocked on Twitter for Claims About Muslims”—headline, New York Times, Jan. 13

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