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In Other Words, We Are Hopelessly Lost 
“Obama Declares ‘We’ve Come Too Far to Turn Back Now’ ”–headline, MSNBC.com, Jan. 24

Other Than That, the Story Was Accurate 
“(Removes words ‘and at times has had difficulty paying his mortgage,’ paragraph 7; removes ‘he did not make payments on a $100,000-plus student loan’ and instead states ‘he did not pay down the balance of a $100,000-plus student loan,’ paragraph 10; removes ‘he was caught up in an Internal Revenue Service Investigation’ and instead states ‘his name surfaced in an Internal Revenue Service investigation,’ paragraph 12; removes ‘voted against Sonia Sotomayor, Obama’s Supreme Court nominee’ and instead states ‘opposed President Barack Obama’s Supreme Court nomination of Sonia Sotomayor,’ paragraph 41; removes ‘voted against Obama’s healthcare overhaul’ and instead states ‘opposed Obama’s healthcare overhaul,’ paragraph 41)”–Reuters (corrections to a hit piece on Sen. Marco Rubio), Jan. 26

(Hat tip: Philip Klein.)

We Blame George W. Bush 
“Who’s Most to Blame for Poor Conditions at Apple’s Chinese Suppliers?”–headline, MSNBC.com, Jan. 26

Shortest Books Ever Written 

“Obama’s Common Sense”–headline, Puffington Host, Jan. 26

To the Moon, Alice! Gingrich in 2012. 
“Gingrich: Let’s Make the Moon a State”–headline, National Review Online, Jan. 25

Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead 
“Former President John Tyler’s (1790-1862) Grandchildren Still Alive”–headline, Yahoo! News, Jan. 25

He Has a Call In to Helen Thomas’s Agent 
“Scientist Hoping to Recreate Real Dinosaur to Speak at UGA”–headline, Athens (Ga.) Banner-Herald, Jan. 25

So Much for the War on Drugs 
“Ind. House Deals Blow to Labor in Rust Belt”–headline, Associated Press, Jan. 25

Life Imitates the Onion

• “B.J. Raji Shouldn’t Have Eaten That Burrito, Cheeseburger, Bag of Chips, Ice Cream Sandwich, Cheesecake, Second Burrito Before Game–headline, Onion, Aug. 30, 2011
• “Paula Deen Caught Eating a Cheeseburger”–headline, ABCNews.com, Jan. 26, 2012

Wow, She Must Be Really Tall 
“Molino Man Charged With Using Chair To Attack Girlfriend”–headline, NorthEscambia.com (Walnut Hill, Fla.), Jan. 26

How It Got Its Paws on a Hammer She’ll Never Know 
“Yankton Woman Accused of Killing Cat With a Hammer”–headline, Associated Press, Jan. 25

Questions Nobody Is Asking

• “Who Will Build Dallas’ Best Meatball Hoagie?”–headline, Dallas Observer website, Jan. 25
• “Newt vs. Mitt: Can a Fat Man Beat a Thin Man?”–headline, RealClearPolitics.com, Jan. 26
• “Curried Coconut Carrot Soup. Need We Say More?”–headline, JewishWorldReview.com, Jan. 26

Answers to Questions Nobody Is Asking 
“Look at Him, He’s Sandra Dee: What House of Lies’ Roscoe Can Teach Us About Gender-Nonconforming Children”–headline, Puffington Host, Jan. 25

Too Much Information

• “Nathaniel Rothschild Says Sauna With Lord Mandelson Was Purely Pleasure, Not Business”–headline, Daily Telegraph (London), Jan. 25
• “Herman Cain Explains Affair With Stephen Colbert”–headline, Washington Examiner website, Jan. 25

News of the Tautological 
“Huge Study Finds Risk Factors Do In Fact Predict Risk”–headline, CardioBrief.org, Jan. 25

Breaking News From Exodus 20:3 
“Thou Shalt Not Write Bad Things About Obama”–headline, TheWeeklyStandard.com, Jan. 25

Breaking News From 1885 
“Gingrich: Romney Self-Deportation Plan a Fantasy”–headline, Associated Press, Jan. 25

Breaking News From 2004

• “President Gives Sen. John Kerry Another Black Eye”–headline, Boston Herald, Jan. 24
• “ ’Second Is No Good for Kerry’–Kieran Donaghy”–headlne, TheScore.ie, Jan. 26

Hקשגךןמקד

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They’re All Renters 
“Beer Drinkers Hit Hardest in Weak Economy: Report”–headline, CNBC.com, Jan. 24

Longest Books Ever Written 
“The State of the Union: What Obama Doesn’t Get About America”–headline, TheAtlantic.com, Jan. 25

Sour Headline of the Day (Though We Only Skimmed the Story) 
“Obama’s Milk Joke 2 Percent Funny”–headline, Politico.com, Jan. 25

Why Didn’t Larry Craig Think of That? 
“So [reporter John] Hanna tracked down a legislative source he thought would be helpful–and he found him in a men’s room at the Capitol. He asked for the data and the source replied, ‘If you’d just let me finish my business here, we can go to my office.’ Back in the office, the source showed Hanna what the research staff had given his boss and provided to a special study group–the first time any reporter had seen it.”–Associated Press press release, Jan. 24

Other Than That, the Story Was Accurate 
“The Phony Crisis of Capitalism: I’m the college student Nick Kristof cited as evidence that students have turned socialist. He’s wrong.”–headline and subheadline, Slate.com, Jan. 24

Metaphor Alert 
“Until we remove the scales from our eyes and launch our discourse toward the future, our politics will remain sterile.”–Walter Russell Mead, The-American-Interest.com, Jan. 24

Out on a Limb

• “I was living in DC for the midterm elections, and the biggest takeaway from the experience was that political types are more comfortable with polarization than acknowledging the truth in what an ‘opponent’ says.”–Maegan Carberry, Puffington Host, Jan. 25
• “Pelosi: Gingrich Has ‘Done Plenty of Dumb Things’”–headline, CNN.com, Jan. 24
• “CDC: Diabetes Amputations Falling Dramatically”–headline, Associated Press, Jan. 25

We Blame Global Warming 
“Woman Claims Neighbor’s Energy Efficient Windows Are Melting Her Toyota Prius”–headline, CBS Los Angeles website, Jan. 25

We Blame George W. Bush 
“Paula Deen’s Not to Blame for Your Waistline”–headline, Kansas City Star, Jan. 24

What Is 48, Alex? 
“The Age of Michelle Obama”–slide show title, Washington Post website, Jan. 19

Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead 
“Barack Obama Is Still Driving America Towards Decline”–headline, Daily Telegraph (London), Jan. 25

We Knew There Was Something We Liked About Him 
“Mitch Daniels Doesn’t Read the New York Times”–headline, krugman.blogs.nytimes.com, Jan. 25

Welcome to the Wacky World of Amelia Bedelia 
“No, the Fed Does NOT ‘Print Money’: Just Explain It”–headline, Yahoo! Finance, Jan. 24

Math Is Hard

• “A Size 2 Is a Size 2 Is a Size 8″–headline, Slate.com, Jan. 25
• “Average Is Over”–headline, New York Times, Jan. 25

Life Imitates ‘Saturday Night Live’

• Judge Crotchet: “Now.. where is this defendent, uh.. Mr. Richard Hertz?” Defense: ”Uhh.. his name is ‘Dick,’ your Honor.” Crotchet: “All right. Who’s Dick Hertz?” [the crowd breaks into raucous laughter]–Rodney Dangerfield and Laraine Newman, “Substitute Judge” sketch, aired March 8, 1980
• “Dick Hit With New Lawsuit”–headline, Toronto Sun, Jan. 24

The Bad News Is His Replacement Is Shemp 
“AP’s Curley to Retire; Led Agency Into Digital Age”–headline, Associated Press, Jan. 23

Calvados, Please 
“Apple Sets New Bar for Industry”–headline, The Wall Street Journal, Jan. 25

Is There a Case for It? 
“The Case Against Stretching Earlobes”–headline, Star Tribune (Minneapolis), Jan. 24

He Does Sound Like a Loser 
“Mich. Man Locked in Ship Bathroom Loses Appeal”–headline, Seattle Times, Jan. 25

Also, Who Moved My Cheese? 
“Did These Anti-Cheese Billboards Go Too Far?”–headline, EverydayHealth.com, Jan. 24

Hey, Kids! What Time Is It? 
“Now Is Best Time of Year to Aggressively Control Wild Pigs”–headline, AgriLife Today, Jan. 25

Questions Nobody Is Asking

• “Where Are The Jewish Women?”–headline, Puffington Host, Jan. 25
• “Has Ann Coulter Lost Her Mind?”–headline, Townhall.com, Jan. 25

Answers to Questions Nobody Is Asking

• “33% of GOP Voters Say It Would Be Good if New Candidate Entered Presidential Race”–headline, RasmussenReports.com, Jan. 25
• “Ever Wondered What Happened to Sarah Palin? Well Newt Gingrich Has Eaten Her and Absorbed Her Shtick”–headline, Guardian website (London), Jan. 24
• “Yes, There’s a Lot We Don’t Understand About the GOP”–headline, CNN.com, Jan. 24

Everything Seemingly Is Spinning Out of Control 
“An Interesting Gore Speech”–headline, Volokh.com, Jan. 24

News of the Tautological 
“Monogamy Reduces Major Social Problems of Polygamist Cultures”–headline, University of British Columbia press release, Jan. 23

Bottom Stories of the Day

• “Homeless NY Science Whiz Isn’t Finalist in Contest”–headline, Associated Press, Jan. 25
• “GOP Candidates Criticize Obama, Each Other”–headline, CNN.com, Jan. 25
• “State of the Union: Obama Appeals–Again–for Unity”–headline, Washington Post website, Jan. 24
• “Democrats Say State of Union ‘Right on the Mark’ ”–headline, Democrat and Chronicle (Rochester, N.Y.), Jan. 25