Headlines

‘Hell, Even Regular Marriage Isn’t Exactly a Barrel of Laughs’ 
“US Court Skeptical of California Gay Marriage Appeal”–headline, Reuters, Dec. 9

And Not a Moment Too Soon

• “Obama Finally Flexes His Muscles”–headline, Post and Courier (Charleston, S.C.), April 1, 2009
• “Obama Finally Said It”–headline, Pufffington Host, June 23, 2009
• “Obama–Finally–Starts to Sweat”–headline, Politico.com, July 19, 2009
• “Obama Finally Finds His Inner Outrage”–headline, Newsweek, Jan. 7, 2010
• “In State of the Union, Obama Finally Clocks In for Job Creation”–headline, Christian Science Monitor, Jan. 27, 2010
• “Obama Finally Delivers a Health Roadmap”–headline, Washington Post website, March 4, 2010
• “Obama Finally Taps Into Emotions”–headline, Toronto Star, March 12, 2010
• “Obama Finally Toughens Up–About Time!”–headline, Puffington Host, March 26, 2010
• “After Waiting 14 Months Obama Finally Chooses To Show Up, Govern”–headline, Puffington Host, March 27, 2010
• “Obama Finally Fulfills Promise of Change for Gay Americans”–headline, TheGrio.com, April 16, 2010
• “Obama Finally Shows Anger, Urgency on Oil Spill”–headline, Tampa Tribune, May 28, 2010
• “Obama Finally Makes a Move for the Gulf”–headline, Los Angeles Times, June 18, 2010
• “Obama Finally Announces His Support for Unemployment Benefits Extension”–headline, Salon.com, July 19, 2010
• “Obama Finally Delivers on Pledge to End the War in Iraq”–headline, Independent (London), Aug. 3, 2010
• “Obama’s Finally Ready to Rumble”–headline, TheDailyBeast.com, Sept. 8, 2010
• “Obama Finally Kicks the Butt, ‘Hasn’t Smoked for 9 Months’ ”–headline, Asian News International (India), Dec. 29, 2010
• “Obama Finally Gives Up Smoking, First Lady ‘Proud’ ”–headline, Agence France-Presse, Feb. 10, 2011
• “Obama Finally Argues His Side in Budget Debate With Republicans”–headline, Times-Mail (Bedford, Ind.), April 17, 2011
• “New Republic: Obama Finally Drew the Line”–headline, NPR.org, July 25, 2011
• “Obama Finally Criticizes GOP, Then Takes Swipe at Dems”–headline, AmericaBlog.com, Aug. 16, 2011
• “President Obama Finally Finds His Voice”–headline, Washington Blade, Sept. 15, 2011
• “Obama Finally Gets Tough”–headline, Puffington Host, Sept. 20, 2011
• “Obama Finally Takes On Big Oil”–headline, Baltimore Sun, Sept. 21, 2011
• “As Obama Finally Acts, He Exposes GOP Strategy”–headline, Puffington Host, Nov. 1, 2011
• “Obama Finally Shows Some Leadership . . . in Europe?”–headline, Puffington Host, Nov. 29, 2011
• “Robert Reich: Obama Finally Calling Out GOP’s Hypocrisy on Tax Cuts”–headline, RawStory.com, Dec. 5, 2011
• “Michael Tomasky: Obama Finally Seizes the Moment in His Kansas Speech”–headline, TheDailyBeast.com, Dec. 7, 2011
• “In Kansas Speech, Obama Finally Finds His Voice”–headline, Baltimore Sun, Dec. 9, 2011

Wannabe Film Critics 
“Almost a quarter of a century has passed since the release of the movie ‘Wall Street,’ and the film seems more relevant than ever.”–former Enron adviser Paul Krugman, New York Times, Dec. 9

Metaphor Alert 
“Plummeting Income Shaves Household Cash”–headline, Bloomberg, Dec. 8

Out on a Limb 
“It’s a variation of the idea of subjective probability, that because something has never happened before, at least not in modern times, it probably won’t happen this particular time. . . . Eventually, someone will overcome all of the challenges that [Newt] Gingrich faces and win a presidential nomination. But will it be this year? Maybe it will be. For me, however, I want to get further into the process before I am willing to concede that the political laws of gravity aren’t going to apply this time.”–Charlie Cook, NationalJournal.com, Dec. 8

12th Commandment: Thou Shalt Not Throw Furniture at a Fellow Republican 
“GOProud Chair Hits Rick Perry Over Ad”–headline, DailyCaller.com, Dec. 8

By Jenna Bush Hager 
“It’s All Your Fault, Dad”–headline, Pan American (University of Texas-Pan American), Dec. 7

She Should Know. The Inability to Beat Obama Is In Her Blood. 
“Meghan McCain on Why Newt Gingrich Can’t Beat Obama”–headline, TheDailyBeast.com, Dec. 8

‘They Gave Me a Hat. I Have the Hat to This Day. I Have the Hat.’ 
“Soft, Knit Hat Makes Lovely Gift”–headline, Calgary Herald, Dec. 8

Can You Do That, Mitt Romney? 
“Eye of Newt: Researchers find that newts are capable of regenerating body parts well into old age.”–headline and subheadline, The-Scientist.com, Dec. 1

Fog in Channel, Continent Cut Off 
“Eurozone Countries Go It Alone With New Treaty That Excludes Britain”–headline, Guardian (London), Dec. 9

With DNC in MInd, City Bans Carrying Urine, Feces

• “Holders Ruthlessly Dump Town Out of FA Vase”–headline, Bridlington (England) Free Press, Dec. 9
• “Lindsay Lohan’s ‘Playboy’ Cover Leaks a Week Early”–headline, USA Today website, Dec. 8

Helen Thomas Seems to Have Lost Her Looks 
“The Occupy movement seems to have lost its focus.”–Natalie Shapiro, letter to the editor, Washington Post, Dec. 9

So Much for the War on Drugs

• “Proposed Miami Casino Could Deal Blow to Strip”–headline, Las Vegas Review-Journal, Dec. 8
• “How the U.S. Can Help Europe: Just Say No”–headline, The Wall Street Journal, Dec. 9

The Lonely Lives of Scientists

• “Scientists Excited Over Hints of Finding Elusive ‘God Particle’ ”–headline, Los Angeles Times, Dec. 9
• “Rats Surprise Scientists by Not Acting Like ‘Rats’ ”–headline, Seattle Times, Dec. 9

‘It Looked Like a Nail!’ 
“Man Runs Wild With Hammer at Mall”–headline, New Hampshire Union Leader, Dec. 8

Did She Charge Him, or Did He Charge Her? 
“Woman Charged for Sex With Underage Pupil”–headline, TheLocal.no, Dec. 7

If Quizzed by a Panther, Don’t Anther 
“Panthers Face Stiff Test in Boston”–headline, WFOR/WBFS-TV website (Miami), Dec. 8

Hard to Believe They’re Only 3-Point Favorites 
“Cowboys Capture ‘Ninja Cow’ After 3 Months”–headline, Associated Press, Dec. 8

Winning 
“Sunday Mass Is Next Step in Effort to Canonize Sheen”–headline, Journal Star (Peoria, Ill.), Dec. 8

Hey, Kids! What Time Is It? 
“Ten Years On, It Is High Time Big Eck Got Respect for What He Did”–headline, Evening Times (Scotland), Dec. 8

Questions Nobody Is Asking

• “Should Rick Perry’s YouTube Ad Be Banned as Hate Speech?”–headline, Globe and Mail website (Toronto), Dec. 8
• “Is Christopher Hitchens About to Convert?”–headline, DailyCaller.com, Dec. 8

Answers to Questions Nobody Is Asking

• “Nuns on Birth Control? Experts Say The Pill May Reduce Health Risks Posed by Chaste Lifestyle”–headline, Puffington Host, Dec. 8
• “The Empathy Test: Why Nobody Cares About Horse Slaughter”–headline, TheAtlantic.com, Dec. 7

Look Out Below! 
“Elephants Drop In to New Home”–headline, Denver Post, Dec. 9

Too Much Information 
“Boehner Unveils GOP Extenders Bill”–headline, NationalJournal.com, Dec. 9

Everything Seemingly Is Churning Out of Control 
“Norway Needs Butter Now: High-fat diet craze leaves Norwegians starved of butter”–headline and subheadline, Vancouver Sun, Dec. 8

News of the Tautological 
“Drivers: Expect Delays on Busy Street”–headline, WYFF-TV website (Greenville, S.C.), Dec. 8

News You Can Use

• “Hey everybody. Cara Santa Maria here. How many times have you said to yourself, ‘I’m so depressed today.’ Or ‘I’m totally OCD about my closet. It weirds me out when anything’s out of place.’ Does this mean you have a mental illness? How is mental illness diagnosed? And is the line between healthy and mentally ill fuzzy or absolute? Well, abnormal psychology is a science. And most scientists and medical professionals agree that abnormal behavior is indicative of underlying mental illness.”–Puffington Host, Dec. 9
• “ ’Don’t Eat Raw Cookie Dough, Period’ ”–headline, Toronto Star, Dec. 9

Bottom Stories of the Day

• “Poll: 3/4 Say Don’t Reelect Congress”–headline, Politico.com, Dec. 9
• “Elizabeth Warren Blasts Karl Rove-Linked Crossroads GPS ad As ‘Factually Wrong And Morally Wrong’ ”–headline, Puffington Host, Dec. 9