Posted by dailyslog on 01/05/2012 in Headlines | Short Link

Obama Would’ve Asked for a Doggy Bag 
“Mitt Romney Saves Dog, Several People”–headline, PJMedia.com, April 27

Hair of the Dog, Obama Style 
“A Lake in the Hills woman bit the family dog after returning home drunk over the weekend, police say.”–Chicago Tribune website, April 30

Homer Nods 
President Obama’s “Slow Jamming the News” segment was on NBC’s “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon,” not ABC’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live” as we said in Friday’s column (since corrected).

Out on a Limb

  • “Gas May Hit $6 Mark, or Maybe Pump Prices Have Peaked”–headline, Autoblog.com, April 26
  • “In Recovery? Health of Economy a Key Decision-Maker in 2012 Political Season”–headline, Naples (Fla.) News, April 28
  • “Obama Hardly a Hawkish Warrior-in-Chief”–headline, Commentary website, April 29

Life Imitates ‘South Park’

  • “Eventually, someone secretly contacts Bucky Bailey, an anti-bullying counselor from Bully Buckers™ (which later changes to Bully Busters™), to come to the school. Bailey proceeds to excoriate, or ‘bully’ Mr. Mackey into calling for an assembly, at which he proposes that the students make an anti-bullying video. When no one volunteers to be the leader of the campaign and direct the video, he taunts the assembled students.”–Wikipedia.org summary of “ButterBalls,” aired April 11
  • “As many as 100 high school students walked out of a national journalism conference after an anti-bullying speaker began cursing, attacked the Bible and reportedly called those who refused to listen to his rant ‘pansy assed.’ “–FoxNews.com, April 27

With DNC in Mind, City Bans Carrying Urine, Feces

  • “The defense lawyer showed the jury an e-mail, written by [Andrew] Young in 2009, in which he said he wanted to defecate on the head of [John] Edwards, the man who had once meant everything to him.”–New York Times, April 29
  • “Kidney Disciplined After Campus Fracas”–headline, Atlanta Journal Constitution website, April 26

That Didn’t Work for John Kerry 
“To Avoid Stupid Mistakes, Think in French”–headline, BusinessWeek.com, April 25

Generalissimo Francisco Franco Is Still Dead 
“Dan Rather Outspoken: Still Battling CBS News”–headline, Newsweek, April 30

But She’s Under 35 
“Romney Would Have to Be Crazy Not to Pick Portman”–headline, Columbus Dispatch, April 29

The Lonely Life of Egypt 
“Egypt Tries to Woo Back Saudi Ambassador”–headline, Voice of America website, April 29

We Suggest ‘Up’ 
“With Shuttle’s End, Space Firms Seek New Direction”–headline, Associated Press, April 29

So Much for the War on Drugs 
“TWC, Verizon Wireless Could Have Joint Products This Year”–headline, CEDMagazine.com, April 27

You’re a Whole Generation–Oh, Never Mind 
“Pepsi Stops Using Aborted Fetal Cell Lines to Test Flavors”–headline, LifeNews.com, April 30

The Soft Bigotry of Low Expectations 
“NFL Draft Is as Entertaining, Unpredictable as Any TV Sitcom”–headline, CBSSports.com, April 27

How Did She Manage to Sleep on an Airplane? 
“Woman in Delta Flight Scare Says She Had Bedbug Bites, Not Monkeypox”–headline, Los Angeles Times website, April 27

‘I Want Somebody Who Will Spend Some Time / Not Come and Go in a Heated Rush’ 
“I Did 111 MPH ‘to Go Have Sex,’ Man Tells Cops”–headline, MSNBC.com, April 27

The Sequel Is Never as Good 
“Australian Billionaire to Build Titanic II”–headline, Daily Telegraph (London), April 30

Questions Nobody Is Asking

  • “If Peas Can Talk, Should We Eat Them?”–headline, New York Times website, April 28
  • “To Effect Change, Should the 99% Go Vegan?”–headline, Los Angeles Times website, April 27
  • “Will Piezoelectric Graphene Provide Options for Nanoscale Manipulation?”–headline, Foresight Institute website, April 25
  • “What’s Going On in Azerbaijan?”–headline, The Weekly Standard, May 7 issue

Answers to Questions Nobody Is Asking

  • “Government’s Answer to ‘Fast and Furious’ Records Requests: Blank Pages”–headline, CBSNews.com, April 27
  • “Video: Say No to Crack, Yes to Nevada Roller Rink”–headline, Associated Press, April 27

It’s Always in the Last Place You Look 
“Man’s Remotest Relative and One of the World’s Oldest Organisms Found–in the Sludge of a Lake in Norway”–headline, Daily Mail (London), April 28

Too Much Information

  • “Woman Sues Dentist, Says She Swallowed Tool”–headline, Associated Press, April 27
  • “Young Obama Voters Turn On President”–headline, Washington Examiner website, April 30

Breaking News From Genesis 22:10 
“Father Accused of Trying to Sacrifice His Son”–headline, KNSD-TV website, April 30

Breaking News From 1993 
“Waco Religious Commune Accused of Masking Abuse”–headline, WFAA-TV website (Dallas), April 28

News You Can Use 
“Women Are Wimps”–headline, Puffington Host, April 30

Bottom Stories of the Day

  • “World’s Largest Vanadium Flow Battery Goes Online at Gills Onions Processing Facility”–headline, PerishableNews.com, April 27
  • “Prince of Liechtenstein Threatens to Quit”–headline, Agence France-Presse, April 27
  • “Obama Criticizes GOP in Speech to Union Members”–headline, Washington Examiner website, April 30
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